You took my voice

You took it from me

Made me doubt my words

You disappear and reappear

You act like that’s nothing

Like we’re nothing

Then you call me sweetie

Honey, hon, boo

Those aren’t things friends say to each other

You don’t get to like me

And treat me like a friend

You don’t get to run away scared

You don’t get to flirt

And call me beautiful

And tell me you want to make me smile

And then act like we’re just friends

You don’t get to give me

Just 20% of your attention

Like I should be grateful

You even deign to talk to me

That’s not how love works

That’s not even how like works

That’s not how respect works

So don’t come back Ed

You can’t come back anymore

Because I can’t keep making excuses for you

I can’t keep waiting to move on

Waiting for you to

let yourself love me

You said you’re afraid to

Get your heart broken

Well,

You’re breaking mine.

Over and over again

Advertisements

The amount of times I get noticed

By someone I don’t know

Who thinks they know me

Because I look like their friend

is appalling, truly

For a girl who’s from a small town

And has straddled

The line between ambiguity

Invisibility and uniqueness

Her entire life

Telling her, multiple times a week

That she looks exactly like

your friend

Your someone you know

Your cousin or aunt

Is a little overwhelming

I guess this is how you know

you’ve lived in cities

For too long

I had never in my life seen

Anything like Nebraska

It was Endless

It felt resolute

Like it was eternity stretching awake

The earth curved before you

It glowed a soft gold

I’d never been anywhere

As large, flat, and empty

As Nebraska

And since that September

I’ve never been able to forget Nebraska

My dreams, dreamed of those houses

Those expanses of land

The clean air

Desolation of no one around

I go there in my dreams

I live there with my many books

My husband is there and my children

They don’t have faces

But the house is full

There is a simple love

That glows brightly

And laughter, smiles

There’s bread, I’ve learned to bake

And I stand there on the front porch

Every night I live there

On that porch

Staring out into the emptiness

Finally, safe from pain

Im at this pub

And there’s so much burning tobacco

That I feel sick

And I’m reading a book that’s terrifying

And I can’t stop breathing

And reading

And I’m just avoiding being alone

In my apartment